News: What happens next... April 08
We've taken 10 of last months headlines and predicted what we think will happen next. A bit of fun but we wouldn't be surprised if the BBC contacts us for the inside scoop - they are that believable... or not!
1. British Airways try to boost passenger morale with an April Fool prank posting a message on the departures board at Terminal Five claiming that all flights are running on time. Customers fail to see the funny side as their baggage is sent to Milan to be sorted for re-directing.
2. As more and more banks and building societies withdraw their 100% mortgage deals, first time buyers are finding increasingly innovative ways of raising cash to put down deposits needed to secure a home, such as extracting and selling their gold crowns.
3. MPs are going to work in military uniform amid fears that the general public will hurl abuse at them if recognised for who they really are. This comes after MPs called for a £40k pay rise to cover reduced expense allowances.
4. Immigration, particularly by Americans, increases significantly since the Government decided not to hold a referendum on the new EU Treaty. Immigrants said that the main appeal living in the UK was that they did not have to vote about any important issues.
5. Post Office customers get confused about adverts for “next day guaranteed” services wondering whether they refer to letters and parcels or the post offices themselves after MPs backed the Governments plan to continue closing many Post Offices across the UK.
6. Alistair Darling approaches Trinnie and Susannah for a personality make-over after delivering what was widely regarded as the most boring Budget in history. Biggest sufferers from the little beige box (or should that be red box) were car owners, set to see a massive rise in car tax for the sake of the environment. An unconvincing argument in light of a 5th runway opening at Heathrow in the same month!
7. Rogue road users increasingly call up radio stations across the UK giving false information about accidents and traffic jams to try and make motorways less busy for their journeys.
8. London Olympic building projects lag behind schedule as workers take strike action over plans by the Government to make them among the first to enrol on the National Identity register in 2010. Workers are fearful that registers, like CDs, can get lost in the post!
9. Paul Burrell in contract wants to obtain an ID card but is refused as Home Office employees no longer believe he has any credible identity left.
10. Having only been awarded £25 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney, Heather Mills takes up a role on the judging panel for Miss USA to help finance her liking for expensive wine.