Age Olde Communication
Chit chat, this and that… it’s everywhere!! Texting, instant messaging, chatrooms, emails, phone-ins, facebook, myspace, skype and countless others. Ian Harding looks at how we can not let technology usurp the art of technology!
Last week I was on my way home from a long day. And of course, I’m tired and the bus is late. I pay for the ticket and sit in my seat, put in my earphones and wait for my stop to arrive. It’s an ordinary day. There’s that man who is having an argument on his mobile phone; the teenage girls giggling, huddled over a love letter of some sort and the woman who is reading some magazine I do not know or recognise.
Then I notice something which breaks up the ordinary. It’s unexpected. A young mother sits opposite her son her arms in the air, her face alive with expression. In a second I twig what the situation is. Her son is deaf. And the gestures are sign language.
It was fascinating to watch, their hands performing a mid-air dance, each gesture a word, an emotion, a thought and just as full of meaning as spoken words. And it was humbling. I was aware of the conscious effort required to communicate and the ease its breakdown.
Which leads me back to our communication age. One of the side effects of living surrounded by so many means of communication is that we take it for granted. And once that happens it’s not too long before we are failing to communicate at all. The result? Communication breakdown.
Here are three simple tips on how to avoid a communication breakdown this year.
Time is worth
Someone once famously said ‘time equals money’. The same principle behind this is true of communication, except with people it’s ‘time equals worth’. Time is the currency of communication. And it communicates a powerful message: you are valued.
Now with our lives being so busy this can be really hard. But it is essential. In whatever sphere we are communicating in: work, home, family, friendships. Each of these relationships rely on effective communication; without it they do not work.
Being an effective communicator is easy. Something as simple as ‘how was your day?’ shows the other person you’re interested and care. Taking this time also helps you to appreciate the value of communication and prevent you from taking it for granted. It’s a daily practice until you form a habit out of it. It does involve sacrifice on your part: a night in front of the telly, or simply extra sleep but like the young mother I mentioned earlier it is a sacrifice that’s worth it.
You will place yourself in a situation where you can only be a winner: better relationships, better quality of life.
Share your thoughts
Have your ever seen that show ‘Scrubs’. For those who haven’t it involves a young doctor, JD, who is learning his craft. One of the trademark moments in the show are JD’s random and hilarious day dreams where he constantly narrates his own life. What makes them so funny is we all recognise the same tendency in our own lives and we have a unique chance to look into someone else’s thoughts.
Frequently though we expect real life to be like that where others are like the audience from the show: they see in to our thoughts. In reality, this isn’t the case. People cannot, despite what we sometimes think, read our minds.
It is essential therefore for effective communication that we share our thoughts. We need to be clear about what we expect, what we’re thinking and where we’re going. People can’t read our minds but they can support our spoken ideas.
Talk Once, Listen Twice
There’s old saying my grandma used to use when I was a small boy. She would say when I was talking too much, ‘there’s a reason God only gave you one mouth and two ears. That’s because it’s twice as important to listen as it is to speak’.
Now many of us laugh at such stories. Even as you read this many of you will be remembering those classic one-liners your grandparents used (especially those that made no sense – a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush??). Yet this piece of advice is gold when it comes to avoiding communication breakdown.
For when we listen properly to another, it’s then that we hear the unspoken in the silence between their words. This allows us to see when they need support, encouragement or just a shoulder to lean on. Because in human relationships and friendships people won’t always share everything. It requires effort to spot this but the rewards are incredible.
Communicating with other people is like learning a new language. It involves a number of stages before you learn how to speak that language. Maintaining those language skills and avoiding their breakdown is much like the effort we need to expend in communication. It is not natural. But it is possible.
So this year, use all the communication tools around you to spend time with others, share your thoughts, and talk once; listen twice. Let’s learn to be more effective communicators.
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