Family Reunited
By Cerri Adkins
With the huge popularity of Friend Reunited and the recent news of a teenage boy being reunited with his family following a kidnapping lasting four years, Cerri Adkins looks at the ins and out of rebuilding lost relationships and whether they can ever be the same again.
This was a story that shocked me; an eleven year old boy was kidnapped while he was innocently riding his bicycle near where he lived. Now, four years later, police have been able to reunite him with his family after finding him whilst on search for another missing boy. Can you imagine the whirlwind of emotions that this amazing family are enduring? Now the family have got to try and rebuild the ties they had with their son, who has changed dramatically both in appearance and character in the four years they have been apart. Where do they start?
All of us at some point suffer broken relationships that we can either choose to rebuild or lay to rest. My experience with my birth dad falls under this category. After my younger sister was born, my parents divorced and my mum became a single parent. Growing up I found that trying to build a relationship with a dad that seemed more distant than my second cousin twice removed, was hard.
My mum never stopped us seeing dad but you reach an age at some point in adolescence where you begin to decide what parts of your life you want to keep and what parts you don't. Through my teenage years I began to feel like my relationship with my dad was more hassle than it was worth. The relationship was full of empty promises and disappointments. I didn't think it was fair that I had to make an effort when my dad seemed not to care. I'd had enough.
I began to think seriously about whether I actually wanted a relationship with my dad at all. It's a harsh thing to be thinking but what had he ever done for me? Years of inconsistent visits and conversations that would go no deeper than how school was or what we thought of the film we just watched, had taken their toll. I let the relationship slip and for a while it felt good not to have that input in my life.
I can't really pinpoint the thing that made me see things differently. I just know I felt a tug on my heart when the subject of my dad came up in conversation and I felt convicted to make it work. I had so many thoughts that it should be him doing this - he's the father. Why doesn't he take responsibility of this - why do I have to do it? I realised that I had to be the bigger person. I would only have myself to blame if I didn't give it a shot. My first step was to forgive my dad of everything I felt he'd done against me and my sister. Boy was this hard and it's a continual process. Even though I managed to forgive him for all that he'd done, I also had to be prepared to forgive him for what he would do. My dad hadn't changed a lot and so I knew there were still going to be empty promises and disappointments, but once I'd learnt to forgive, these were easier to take. Forgiveness was the first step to recovery and it started with me.
So many relationships are scarred by unforgiveness - it's like a cancer. If you don't deal with the things that have hurt you it causes bitterness between you and the other person. Your relationship can turn sour and could eventually come to an end if you don't deal with the cause of that bitterness. Being able to forgive is like being set free from a ball and chain. The pressure is released off the other person and the relationship can start to be restored. It's not an easy thing to do, to forgive someone who has hurt you, but the result if you don't can become a sorry sight. Don't allow a misunderstanding, harsh words or unfulfilled promises to get in the way of you and another person - it's not worth it!
We all make mistakes and I can guarantee it won't be long before you're looking for someone to forgive you. Through my experience with my dad I realised that I need forgiveness as much as he does. We all feel guilty sometimes and it's hard to overcome that without the forgiveness of others. There is true forgiveness, no matter who you are and what you've done, you can have it. In fact, a great price was paid so that you could live in the freedom that being forgiven brings. You only need to look up to realise that there is someone waiting to welcome you into that life of freedom.
The relationship I now share with my dad is a lot more intimate from what it was and I really am glad I decided to make it work. We were all born to be in relationship with each other and we have an amazing capacity as people to give what we have to offer into someone else's life and to enjoy receiving what others have to add to ours.