Boys to Men with Roger Davies
By Roger Davies
Inside every man is a little boy! That boy is mischievous, adventurous and very, very silly! Roger Davies, Sheffield Congregational Pastor at Hope City Church, believes that despite of all of this - it's time for men to grow up!
I have a younger brother. When we were teenagers we were experts at trading insults with each other. The one he taunted me with thatconsistently got under my skin was "why don't you just grow up!". It always seemed to touch a raw nerve. How dare this young upstart of a brother (who was clearly less mature, less knowledgeable and less experienced in life than me) loftily tell me to stop being a child. But the truth of the matter is that we all need encouragement at times to grow up and put childish ways behind us.
Growing up is not about reaching a certain age where you are entitled to certain privileges like voting, or legally allowed to do things, like smoking. Nor is it about getting taller, stronger or 6packed up! It's all about the way we think, reason and subsequently act. I had left University and was teaching full time at a secondary school in Sussex, and yet I would still arrive at church on a Sunday morning with two minutes to spare before it started, dressed in hideous purple jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt. Why? Because I still saw myself as an 18 or 19 year old student instead of who I really was. To grow up I had to think about myself differently.
God is looking for men to perceive themselves correctly: not as children but heirs; not as beggars but princes; not as slaves but warriors; and not as drifters but worshippers of the King of Kings. We need to think God's thoughts about ourselves until we are fully mature and totally developed within and without:
"No prolonged infancies among us please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for imposters. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love - like Christ in everything." (Ehpesians 4: 14-15)
The amazing thing about growing up is that it leads to far greater opportunity and privilege. Now that my daughter is nearly 4 and increasingly sure footed, I let her climb up the near verticle ladders that lead to our attic for the first time this week. She had never seen the loft before and was amazed at how spacious (and messy) it was. Yet her increasing maturity had taken her quite literally to a brand new level!
Men, it is time to leave behind pre-school finger painting so that we can get on with God's grand work of art. It is time to leave behind the junior school sack race so that we can compete in the Olympic Games. It is time to leave behind spoon-fed meals and learn knife and fork table manners so that God can take us out for dinner at The Ritz.
1. Define Yourself
The first key to growing up is to define what makes you the person you are. God has created you an original - you are unique. He wants you to inhabit your own soul and take responsibility for the things that make up you. Define who you are and set boundaries to mark out your territory. When I was a child we had to move within the UK a couple of times because of my Dad's work. On both occassions I had to start all over again at making friends, a task made harder because each time I had a different accent to the one all the other children had. I wanted to be liked, to fit in and not be rejected. As a result of this I became chameleon-like, fitting in with the people I was with, and fearing to express my own opinions, feelings, likes and dislikes. I have had to break free from this because I was allowing other people, and their preferences to define me. I had to learn to risk offending people with my opinions, thoughts and feelings so that I could be me and not an amalgamation of a million other identities.
A couple of summers ago I wanted to have a bonfire in the back garden to get rid of a load of hedge trimmings. I waited until the evening to get going, and decided that I had better check with the neighbours before I got pyrotechnical. One of my neighbours was well up for it - he loved the smell of bonfires and wished more people in the street had them. But my other neighbour was disgusted at the idea. I was really surprised at his attitude after the glowing endorsement I had recieved from the other guy. In the end I moved my position from asking for his permission to giving him a warning of what was coming. How liberating! I had offended someone instead of conforming to their wishes.
I am not advocating insensitivity to others, but we need a confidence to know what we are about. God has given us a brand new identity in Christ and we need to assert it boldy, even at the risk of rejection and offence.
2. Own Yourself
The second key to growing up is to take ownership for yourself. Own your feelings instead of ignoring them or elevating them so that they are in charge. Face up to them and see them as sign posts to issues God may well want to deal with. Own your attitudes. Don't blame the weather, the kids, your football team's defeat or the amount of money in the bank. Take responsibility for the way you do life. Finally, own your choices:
"By faith, Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharoah's daughter. He chose to be ill-treated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward." (Hebrews 11:24-26)
Moses grew up by making choices in view of eternity instead of his here and now. Every day we make choices that are like seeds sown into the soil of our lives that will one day produce a harvest. We have to choose what kind of harvest we want in the future because that will determine the type of seed seed we have to sow today (Galatians 6: 7-8). We determine our futures. What if Moses had prefered being pampered in Egypt?
General "Stonewall" Jackson was a famous military leader in the American Civil War. He was an inspiration to his men because he always remained so calm in battle, unflustered even when bullets were wizzing past his head. His secret lay in his perspective on life. He told his men that God had already decided the number of days he would live on the earth. He did not consider it his responsibility to try and live any longer than the time allocated to him by his Maker but instead to live each day in the knowledge that one day he would meet God face to face. He believed such a view on life would make the rawest recruit into the bravest and most fearless fighter in his army.
How about you? Do you make decisions about the way you live based on where you are at today or where you want to be tomorrow? Own your choices and sow for an awesome harvest!
God wants us to have a spititual growth spurt. He wants us more mature like His Son so that we can play a bigger part in His eternal purposes. But to do that we have to define who we are and take ownership and responsibility for our lives. This become easier when we get intimate with God. My daughters are not growing up because they have 5 or 10 year plans and objectives. They are growing up because they spend time with my wife and I. It's the same with God. so why not take some advice from King David:
"As for me I am getting as close to God as I can" (Psalm 73:28)
Roger Davies is the Assistant Pastor of Hope City Church and the Congregational Pastor for the Sheffield congregation. He and his wife, Anna, have two daughters Zoe and Yasmin.